Where is the hickey?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
