I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can't put those talents on a resume
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
