soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
