you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
