im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
