I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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