i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
zippers are such a cool invention
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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