did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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