1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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