Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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