Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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