I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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