It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
