i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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