garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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