His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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