He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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