I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
