i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
