Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
stop calling my apartment porn island.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
