Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
