This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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