Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
