i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
