Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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