neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
