so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
