my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
