i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
