How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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