so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
