Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
