Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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