Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
