Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
