She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
