i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize