Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
