I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How naked do you want me to be?
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