Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
