I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
