The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want to fling myself into the sun
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
