You can't motorboat a personality
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
