Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dicks are not precious.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
