Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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