What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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