I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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