the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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