I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
