and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Mom said you looked used
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
