i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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