I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just invented taco cereal.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
