Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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