ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
