i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You left your phone here
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