For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
