just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
did i walk over a car last night?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
