Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
