Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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