I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
