i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Found your dick twin last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
