in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
