I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
is it fun? or sober?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
