rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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