I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
