Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you made out with another girl for some wings
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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