I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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